The SEC announced today that it planned to remove the words “Securities” and “Exchange” from its name, and would be known simply as “The Commission.”

SEC chairman William Donaldson said, “In today’s fast-moving global markets, physical “exchanges” are becoming less and less relevant. Stocks don’t really exist any more, they are just electrons on a trader’s screen. And, unless you’re a market maker or a hedge fund, it’s very hard to make money. Current market volatility and corporate scandals mean that the really is no “security” in owning stocks. So we’re simplifying our role to a level that we feel more comfortable with, one where we are still a commission, in fact we’ll be “The Commission,” but we’re no longer committed to making actual regulations, or enforcing them. But we will still have regular meetings in large offices, and read email from concerned investors.”

“We’d like to thank our very close friends at the National Association of Freedom Funds for proposing this important change in our organization’s mission, and we look forward to continuing to serve the public in the same way we have for the past 76 years.”

The SEC will publish an official proposal for the name change in the Federal Register within the next 90 days.

CBS News today announced that this coming Sunday, April 3rd, their flagship news magazine “60 Minutes” will air an expose of what has been called “the biggest financial scam in the history of the world” — the campaign against naked short selling.

Roger de Minimis, acting head of CBS News, said, “Our close friends at the National Association of Freedom Funds have convinced us that we are the news organization with the credulity and appropriate level of integrity to air a story about this issue.”

CBS News confirmed that it has filmed hundreds of hours of explosive footage with informed figures such as SEC Chairman William Donaldson, NY Attorney General Eliot Spitzer and DTCC Deputy General Counsel Larry W. Byrd, which will “blow the lid off” the murky figures behind the campaign against naked shorting.

Veteran CBS news anchor Dan Rather will return to host the special segment, and has personally verified all the source documents for this story. Sources confirmed today that Rather privately speculated, “Once the truth gets out, this thing is going to come crashing down faster than a drunken hooker up a hickory tree.”

The impact of this story is hard to predict, but the markets could be in for a “Black Monday” if the Sunday broadcast lives up to the expectations of some experts. Officials at the Pink Sheets Exchange, where many stocks involved in the scandal are traded, say that they have circuit breakers, buckets and other mechanisms in place to avoid a “total melt-down situation.”

For more information, please contact us at info@freedomfunds.net